Why Stop?

We here at stopreproducing.com have a very simple request: We want you to stop reproducing, now. Just stop having kids as soon as possible. That is all. We in no way condemn having sex, in fact have more sex if possible. Just, when you are having sex, do so with the intent of actually enjoying it, and not for procreation. We are kind of like the bizzaro Catholic church.

We admit, having kids used to be all the rage. Back when we were primarily an agricultural society lots of kids were a necessity. They were like slave labor you did not have to feel guilty about. We needed them to help plow the fields, and feed the livestock. Maybe sew together some burlap sacks for some fresh duds. They were cheap and efficient labor that you could pay off with a corn husk doll or a new whittlin’ knife. If they didn’t like it, well that was just too damn bad. Good luck finding dinner at the next farm twenty miles away kid. With your tiny ass legs you might make it there in two to three days, tops.

If you happened to live in a mining community, having lots of kids around was equally useful. They could fit down mine shafts that larger men would get stuck in. Also, their tiny lungs alerted the full grown miners if there was a gas leak. All without wasting a perfectly good canary!

When the industrial revolution rolled around, kids still were useful. They worked long hours and you did not have to pay them nearly as much as their full grown counterparts. Additionally their tiny little hands and limbs could fit into machines and gears grownups were too smart to go sticking body parts into.

The problem started when those fat cats in Washington decided to pass child labor laws and mandatory education bills. All of a sudden the natural check of population growth was thrown out of the window. Without thresher accidents, gruesome machine-related incidents, and collapsing mines all these kids were free to spend their childhood safe and secure in their school house. This meant that there was a surge of kids who actually got to grow up into mature, healthy adults capable of making more babies to grow up and have more kids, and so on and so forth.

This would not have been a disaster if we had been smart enough to realize that the need to have large families was gone. We went on having kids like the end of the world was coming (Spoiler Alert: it wasn’t). Populations got out of control, natural resources got depleted, and the need for eerily similar storefront avenues and strip malls has gotten to the point that suburban sprawl is on the verge of covering every inch of this planet in concrete. Add to this the fact that so many of the people on this already way too populated are so terrible, we feel that it is our duty to urge you to, you guessed it: STOP REPRODUCING.

We at stopreproducing.com feel that all people should stop reproducing, but in an effort for efficiency and equally to maintain the sanity of the rest of us, we have compiled a list of those people who we feel need to stop reproducing immediately. For reasons that are explained below we feel that the following groups of people have more or less revoked their right to pass on their undeserving seed.