#9 Preachy Eco-Yuppies

Eco-yuppies generally have one common denominator: they have all seen “An Inconvenient Truth”. Upon finding themselves cathartically inspired by Al’s revelations, the preachy ones who happenchance upon you doing yard work on a hot summer day will not hesitate to tell you about the environmental impact of tossing your paper cup in the regular trash bin and the increase in your carbon footprint caused by using a gasoline powered lawnmower instead of a Great Depression Era push mower. And they will lecture you while rolling by with their custom grip BOB Revolution Duallie AW 12' Stroller - 2008 from REI and their silicon-free saline implants.

Like moths spiraling toward a flame, eco-yuppies pour through the latest gossip rags (i.e. People, Us, Star, OK!) to become one with Hollywood. Your neighbor with the baby carriage may volunteer, “Paris Hilton just pledged to donate 5000 compact fluorescent light bulbs to AIDS victims in Africa, so I’m going to outfit Johnny and Susie’s stroller with CFLs too!” After all, green is as trendy right now as wearing scarves in the summertime!

BraveNewLeaf.com observes: “They are eager to go green when it’s most convenient for them. You’ll often find them toting around their ‘I am not a plastic bag’ while barreling down on you in a Cadillac Escalade. They would never understand the irony of entering an environmental contest with a grand prize featuring an eight-hour flight to Hawaii.”

Preachy eco-yuppies embrace the latest trends to combat global warming and environmental decay, but they fail to realize that the environmental impact of an extra child far surpasses the offset created by eating local produce, biking to work once a week and installing solar panels. They are likely to instill the same superficial, “what’s hot” values on their children, promulgating the Hollywood copycat culture that produces one dimensional lemmings.

Until they have their tubes tied (or a vasectomy), preachy eco-yuppies should stop the lectures and accept that they are doing more damage to the environment by rearing children than we could do with a lifetime’s worth of tossing our bottles in the trash.*

*Stopreproducing.com does not endorse disregarding efforts to mitigate the environmental impact of humans. There’s only one planet; you shouldn’t shit where you eat.

Mainstream Awareness: World Population Day

Today, July 11th, is World Population Day! The mostly ignored reminder of our species' ruthless dominance was established in 1989 by the UN. It was inspired by 5 Billion Day back on July 11th 1987, when fertile males the world over joined their wives and children to celebrate what can be accomplished with a high sperm count, a relentless sex drive, and a big brain.

We here at stopreproducing.com were still prepubescent back in '87, but we imagine 5 Billion Day must have inspired people to keep up the prophylactic-free humping because here we are a little over twenty years later fast approaching 7 billion. It took over a million years for our population to reach 1 billion back in 1800, but only another 210 years to septuple that number.



Daily Kos has a great post about the willful ignorance surrounding the issue of over population:

"There is widespread agreement among scientists that we are in overshoot. According to Global Footprint Network, 1.3 planet Earths would be required to sustainably meet the needs of our current population at present levels of consumption and waste. If we continue current upward trends in consumption and population, by 2035 we’ll need 2 Earths. This means we are not acting sustainably. We are using up stuff that we, and/or future generations, are going to need."

World Population Day: Let overpopulation topic out of closet

#8 Religious Fanatics Who Denounce Birth Control Because It Is Not In The Bible

Although the flat-out rejection of birth control is pretty much the antithesis of what we stand for here at stopreproducing.com, there was a time when we would be willing to let you eschew birth control in all its forms and be swallowed up in the ever growing pile of dirty diapers and other waste that the overly large number of your completely unnecessary progeny were producing. We are big believers in personal choice here, but with the increased population putting a strain on natural resources and basically threatening our ability to continue to function effectively as a species, we must politely ask you to stop rejecting the benefits of birth control.

We, not so politely, would also like to ask you to stop pushing your baby manufacturing propaganda on the rest of us. Seriously, cease and desist, it is absurd. Hey pharmacist that refuses to supply birth control pills to people requesting them on the basis that “they are not in the bible, and therefore wrong”: guess what else wasn’t in the bible: pharmacies… and pharmacists. Most forms of modern medicine were not in the bible, so we guess god does not want us to have those either; they obviously are evil and should not be used. You better stop giving out insulin to diabetics and heart medicines to old people. And cough drops? They are probably Satan’s tears sent here on earth to lead us astray. Yeah, you should probably just pack up shop and find a new job, because I have read the bible and do not remember any pharmacists: if you want to go to the big party in the clouds you should probably be a farmer or a shepherd. We hope you were not planning on driving to your new profession, because god does not want us to have cars either, otherwise Adam would have named all the beasts of land and air from the front seat of his Escalade. You sure as shit, should not be reading this on a computer, as those are also not in the bible. I guess you got the parchment scroll we put out.

For the rest of you, we hope you are cool with the fact that about half, if not more of the babies you decide to have will probably die in childbirth when you are forced to have a midwife come deliver your babies in your ever-so-sterile hut or manger. When the kids that do survive get sick, I hope that frankincense and myrrh swiftly cure whatever ails them. And ladies, lets see how gung-ho you are about not using contraception when the number of women who die in childbirth skyrockets due to us collectively deciding to go back to the medical standards of ancient Mesopotamia.

The “it’s not in the bible” defense is so insanely hypocritical, we do not understand how the brains of these birth control deniers do not just shut down from that sort of logic-defying thought. It’s revealing to highlight the fact that the bible, while omitting any mention of birth control, explicitly denounces each of:

• Banking (Deuteronomy 23:19)
• Wearing mixed-fiber fabrics (Deuteronomy 22:11)
• Eating anything from the sea that lacks fins or scales, i.e. lobster (Leviticus 11:9)

Strangely, society does not receive the same righteous objections from the alleged biblical scholars in regards to these evils. Is it that God clarifies what sections of the bible to recognize, or more likely, that these quacks arbitrarily choose to ignore or enforce the bible’s declarations and OMISSIONS to meet their own selfish, questionable agendas?

To the titular readers of this entry, do us all a favor: discontinue the moral lecturing, admit you are mindless, misguided hypocrites and stop reproducing.