#15 Narcissistic Jackasses Who Wear Hands-Free Headsets Constantly
Through the 18th century, women donned decorative fans. In the 19th century men had their fanciful time pieces. And by the mid-late 20th century, men were augmenting their trophy women with gravity-defying silicone chest pillows. But few status symbols carry the same invasive, self-absorbed symbolism as the increasingly prevalent Bluetooth headset.
"Ever been pleasured by a man wearing his Bluetooth?"
There’s nothing like standing in line at the grocery store, when some gesticulating philistine pulls his cart up behind you, exclaiming, “I couldn’t find a soft avocado in the whole bin, what do you think I should do!?” while maintaining eye contact with you. After you give an incredulous double-take, and start to muster an awkward response, the stranger abruptly jars his head sideways revealing a shiny black parasite with a glowing blue eye latched to his ear. Cyborg? No, just some self-flagellating dork who has no consideration for those around him.
To be fair, one might think this behavior justified. How else does one pick fruit, push the cart, and consult the wife? But similar situations occur on main street, at the movie theater, and in the adjacent bathroom stall at the office. Is it really necessary to have 24/7 access to your cell via an earworm? Doubtful.
There is no justifiable reason for a person to have that plastic mass attached to his face while having his teeth drilled in the dentist chair. Most likely, folks like this just like the perceived adoration received from peers for their technological savvy, wherewithal and popularity. Realistically, these clip-on accessories look completely ridiculous and superfluous symbolizing self-absorption and obnoxiousness.
The same misguided people who constantly don Bluetooth headsets are the ones who would consider having children just for the “status symbol” effect. Instead of getting off the phone to read to their children, they’re more likely to tune-in the Bluetooth for some hands-free action while just flipping through Cat in the Hat. Until these individuals remove the light-emitting ear prostheses, rejoin society, and give some real consideration to the responsibilities and consequences that come with children – these jackasses need to stop reproducing.