#18 Parents Who Give Their Children Extraordinary Spellings for Ordinary Names

DWYANE Wade: Would be better than Jordan if his name had a normal spelling

Those adolescent years are painful enough for kids trying to figure out their identities while simultaneously covering their crotches with book bags between class to conceal no reason boners and visits from aunt FLO. But it’s even more difficult for children to figure out who they are when their names are an unidentifiable mess.

Imagine the snickers around the classroom at the beginning of the school year when a teacher is going through roll call, “Ree-own, is ree-own here?” No, that’s just Ryan spelled “Rhione.” Those snickers are going to continue right on through adulthood every time an employer receives a resume from Rhione.

Your child is not blessed with an original name. Rather, he’s handicapped by an ordinary name with a retarded spelling. Just tie those tubes instead of tying up everyone’s time every time your child has to spell his name out at the doctor’s office.

Cease and desist using the spelling of vanilla names as a creative outlet. Your children will carry emotional baggage the rest of their lives. Get a different hobby and stop reproducing.